ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just pynch a tree in the face
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
