He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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