I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
