how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
