He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
