Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
