People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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