the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
