I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
