When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
