I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
