i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
