tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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