nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
