so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
