After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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