You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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