so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
