you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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