Non-Jews are for practice
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
