in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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