To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
