I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
