It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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