capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
