Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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