be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
