3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
