Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
