wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
