I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i out mim tonsoeep
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