DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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