Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
