meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
