Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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