Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
