Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
