It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
