Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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