I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
two words...techno handjob
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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