i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
