I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
