after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
