im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
