My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
