I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
