Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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