How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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