This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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