Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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