my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
