Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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