He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
