I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
