I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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