If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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