wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
